DUP: 5 things they need to stop doing and one thing they could do

The DUP are a relic of a bygone age. The DUP still holds a lot of power in Northern Ireland politics. It doesn’t look like they are going anywhere anytime soon.

What you might find frustrating is that with a few tweaks they could join the modern world.

To be clear, I’m not a fan of the DUP. I’m amazed at how obvious some of the solutions to their problems are. With a little work, they could soon clear that up.

Now I’m a lowly Catholic popcorn shoveller so I know that none of them are going to read this but this is just for fun.

Happy 12th everyone, enjoy.

5: Drop the whole abortion/marriage equality fight

This is a losing battle for the DUP, and they are taking a long time to realise that they are on the wrong side on this issue. It’s frustrating that the DUP is happy to be part of the United Kingdom, but cherry picks what laws it enforces.

This half in half out policy shows a lack of loyalty and unity with the UK. The DUP must consider if they’re on board with the whole loyalism/unionism factor.

Needless to say that there is a whole section of society that is living as second-class citizens. This is because the DUP is dragging its feet when it comes to progress.

Giving marriage equality to everyone will not bring about the end of civilisation. You might struggle to comprehend what problem the DUP has with marriage equality, I do.

Does the DUP think that homosexual couples are going to demand that they are married in a church? That’s never going to happen. Religious organisations are a private body that has the right to discriminate.

Does the DUP think that homosexuals want to get married in a church? The Groucho quote has it “I wouldn’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member”.


As for abortion, regardless of when you believe life begins, the first step to ending poverty is to give women control of their bodies. This goes against my own personal belief, not because I believe that life is sacred or any of that nonsense, I don’t. I’m not a big fan of abortion. Only because I think the only way to get good welfare reform is to choke the system until it can no longer function. Seeing as single mothers are one of the primary beneficiaries of that system, keep kiddies coming.

DUP need to go with the flow on these two issues.

4: Avoiding controversy

You won’t accuse me of telling tales out of school but the DUP, by today’s standards, hold some controversial views. That’s fine, you can’t control what people think. The DUP can’t control what they think, and you wouldn’t want to change that, would you?

If the DUP have controversial opinions, then they should stick to it. You can have controversial views just hold on to them. These could be opinions like climate change isn’t happening. If you believe this and you’re running for public office let the people know what you think.

If you get challenged and back away from the opinion then how do I know that you aren’t going to do that with all your other ideas?

You can change your opinion but don’t do it at the first sign of trouble. Make it look like you’re not just doing it to change with the blowing of the wind.

3: Apologising

This is a reply to the controversial opinions. If you’re going to have controversial opinion stick to it and don’t apologise. If you feel you are in the right, then stick to your guns.

Can I make a reference to guns when talking about Northern Irish politics? Too soon. Did that line bomb?

This is a general life rule that you can take from this as well as the DUP. If you apologise for nothing, you will apologise for everything. I’m not a big fan of apologising in general. Not because I think you’re a bad person but because I think you’re insincere if you do it too much.

Apologies are like swearing, if you do it too much, it loses its effect.

2: Talking to the BBC

Are you frustrated that we’ve had two years of Trump? The political novice and politicians the world over are looking at it like it was a fluke.

Do you want to know something? It wasn’t a fluke.

You’ll find politics more interesting if politicians took a leaf from Trump’s playbook.

Why is American politics so much more interesting than UK and Ireland? You know the answer, it’s because it’s so much more entertaining. Here it is so much more routine. A politician makes a statement, press questions them, they make a retraction. The cycle starts again.

You could be forgiven for being unaware of what is happening in UK politics because it’s frigging boring. Gimme the American model. President says something ridiculous, the press goes into meltdown. President makes an even more absurd statement and so on. It’s entertaining, and it doesn’t take that much to get started.

Look at Jim Acosta, it is fascinating. You’re watching a man lose his mind in slow motion. You are viewing the development of mental illness in real time. Thankfully Jim Acosta is a journalist so whether he ends up in an asylum or not doesn’t matter. How was this downfall triggered, the President refused to talk to him. That’s all it took.

What the DUP could do

The DUP could take a leaf out of this book. You might agree with me that the BBC is held in too high regard. They have the worst form of bias in the way that they believe themselves to be immune from bias. They’re the only game in town. Think of how funny it would be if the DUP just stopped talking to the BBC. The DUP could control news cycles just by refusing to enter into the conversation. BBC would continuously repeat the DUP message and come across as moaners by going on and on about it in public.

(Bonus: DUP should definitely do this now)

Nationalism has got a bit of a bad rap recently with Trump and the alt-right in America. Couple that with the rise of right-wing parties in Italy, Austria and Hungary.

Why the hell aren’t DUP using this as a stick to bash Sinn Fein over the head with?

They don’t even need to lie about it they just have to keep referring to Sinn Fein as a Nationalist party, which is true.

There is an open goal for you DUP, kick the ball.

This is why I never believe the DUP to be the boogeyman that they’re presented as. The DUP are so retarded and frequently keep miss opportunities.

1: Alienating the Islamic community

There has been some Anti-Islamic sentiment coming from the DUP. I know what you’re thinking, shocking.

This baffles me and tells you all you need to know about the competency of the DUP. The Islamic community in the UK leans conservative. The Islamic community has more in common with the DUP than other Northern Irish parties.

While Northern Ireland doesn’t have a large Islamic community, it is growing. It’s not a substantial voter base now, but with their growth and native populations declining birth rates, the writing is on the wall. You’ll find that elections in future may hinge on their support.

Here’s a slogan for free if you’re high up at the DUP.

DUP: If we had brains we’d be dangerous.

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