Curiosity got the better of me, and I saw the latest Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker.
You may already know I’m no longer a Star Wars fan.
I was so uninvested I took notes during. Have a read, am I being too brutal or too soft?
Rise of Skywalker notes
Why is his lightsabre always on?
Did he manifest Star Destroyers? Did he have a vision board?
So is this the original Palpatine? Does this negate Vaders sacrifice?
Light speed skipping is dumb borderline lore breaking, worse than the Holdo thing.
16 hours – I didn’t like it when they referenced Earth times in Last Jedi, I still don’t like it.
“Be with me” – what the hell is that a reference to?
The comedy in this fails hard.
Mardi gras in the desert is dumb.
Why would Lando live on this shit hole? He’s an entrepreneur, a wheeler-dealer he wouldn’t give it up to hang out with space stoners.
I like how Billy Dee doesn’t have to move around much or is wearing a mask. He’s in his 80s.
I thought force Skype needed a lot of power to do?
Being able to transport items through Force Skype is dumb.
Also, there’s already Stormtroopers, why the need for all that other shit with the skype call?
The bikes, which always hover now have wheels.
“Never underestimate a droid,” made me wretch.
Be optimistic about losing contact? What a dick. Joke fails hard.
Jedi heal, that power would have been convenient throughout the rest of the trilogy.
Why does C3PO have so many lines?
Lightsabres out all the time.
What the fuck even is the force anymore?
Killing Chewie, actually interesting.
Wait, Chewie is alive, nevermind.
I understand that the audience knows Chewie is alive but Rey doesn’t appear to be showing any doubt about murdering her co-pilot out of frustration.
Another fucking droid.
Why does c3po get a monologue?
There are black people in the upper echelons of the empire? I thought the empire was racist as well as being literally xenophobic? Is this a more progressive empire?
I get black Stormtroopers, they’re abducted as kids. They are child soldiers. Also having the Stormtroopers being child soldiers makes it a bit uneasy about enjoying them getting blasted.
How long was Kerri Russel on set? We only see her eyes. Easiest payday ever.
A magic coin is dumb.
Poe and Finn have great chemistry, the jailbreak is functional.
The spy thing is so so dumb and obvious and pointless and dumb.
That whole being able to grab ships out of the air would come in handy around now.
The person who grows up on desert world can perfectly sail a ship in 100ft waves…OK.
Can Daisy Ridley close her mouth?
All the music in this feels like a temp track.
The lightsabre fights really suck in this whole trilogy.
I cheered Kylo because he’s been the underdog.
Is Daisy Ridley a mouth breather?
What was the point of Finn being on the wreck? Also, how did he get there, also how did he get there so fast and know where to go?
I bet you they yadda yadda how Kylo gets off the planet.
Retconning Leia to have had Jedi training is annoying.
Another planet destroyed, great. Also, the effect looks terrible.
C3PO has a memory back up, great, so glad the choice he made earlier meant nothing.
When did the Falcon get the shield dish back?
Are there people in the arena?
They yadda yadda Kylo getting off the planet
I’m getting Ghostbusters 2 vibes from this climax. Spirit passing into a younger body and paralysis beams.
Seriously what is “Be with me”? Chekov’s mantra?
Take out the head vampire/command ship, dull and dumb.
Are Ben and Rey cousins? Why is Star Wars weird about sex?
Why are the Star Destroyers all over the galaxy crashing? I thought it was the conjured ones. What are the rules here?
Glad the star destroyers didn’t crash into anything important like Cloud City.
So light speed skipping isn’t going to come back in any relevant way?
This film breaks the 180 rule so much it’s distracting.
Is Lando gonna smash?
So glad the same-sex kiss is between two minor characters in an insert that can be cut out when showing in less tolerant countries.
Random old lady, what are the odds? Never tell me the odds.
Why does she take on the name Skywalker?
Ultimately what was the point of this trilogy? What was the main takeaway?
The sins of the (grand)father are not yours? OK, but the original trilogy already said this.
This film felt like a conclusion to a completely different set of films. Like walking in on the last twenty minutes of an hour-long show. You think all the stuff you aren’t getting is flying over your head only here it’s not. Nothing was established.
It’s clear that there was no plan in place. Rise of Skywalker is just a bunch of stuff happening.
This is the worst one.
In fact, my opinion of Last Jedi has softened. It was attempted to try something new, it just didn’t work.
The prequels are still bad, but at least they tried something new. Disney killed a franchise. I’m thankful because I’m now entirely out of love. Thank you Last Jedi and Rise of Skywalker.
Star Wars is a franchise that has been dining out on the reputation of a brilliant film and a perfect movie for the guts of 40 years.
Disney is the Mr Burns line: I’d trade it all for a little more.