Louis C.K: A return

Louis article, a failed audition

Louis C.K was the subject of an article I did as an audition piece for a satire site. They politely passed, so I decided to share it with you here, enjoy.

Louis C.K audience annoyed he didn’t masturbate in front of them.

Louis C.K returned to stand up in New York much to the delight of some of his fans. However, there were some in the audience who felt that the 50-year-old comedian came up short.

We spoke to some of those in attendance.

“I wasn’t expecting much that night. I heard rumours that Louis was about, I thought he just came to watch. Boy was I wrong.” said one audience member, “I’d never seen Louis’ act before. I mean I’d seen him do stand up, but I was excited for this.”

“When Louis got on stage, I thought, aw yeah, this is it,” said another audience member. That elation soon turned to disappointment, “I was pumped to see him perform, but then he started telling jokes, lame.”

Other audience members were also confused, “He showed up unannounced, it was such a surprise. My husband and I are thinking, no way, we’re going to see a short fat guy masturbate. One time we watched Danny DeVito taking a piss in Central Park but this would be much better, or so we thought”.

The disgruntled attendee went on, “We thought that it would be a build up, a few jokes and then he would start but as he went on we realised that it wasn’t going be the case. My husband was devastated, he was like a child who didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas. Imagine not getting to see Santa masturbate”.

Someone in the front row also expressed sadness at the comedian’s half-cocked return. “I was sitting there watching his crotch intently. Not only did his penis stay in his pants the whole time but he was flaccid too. There may have been signs of life at one point, but it could have been how his jeans bunched up.”

A Louis veteran spoke up

One veteran of the New York comedy circuit still holds out hope, “I knew Louis was going to crack wise instead of cracking one off on his first time back. You got to give him room to blossom. At the minute he’s shy but give him time, and everyone will know what’s Louis’ Louis looks like. They’re going to add a D.I to his initials.”.

When asked to divulge more information the comic, who wished to remain anonymous went on “When he first started out it was his party trick. Some people could juggle, some did impressions. Louis could crank one out like nobodies business, beautiful. He’s the YoYo Ma of jerking off. It was like Louis, and the cock are one. His penis was an extension of himself, and soon he is going to extend his dick for all to see”.

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